I went for a weigh in at TOPS last night.  I stayed with them after my surgery because I like the group and they only charge me a couple of dollars a week for weigh in, so it works for me.  I have missed a few weeks recently, having been away for about 12 weeks in total.  This time, unfortunately, my weight loss was only 6 pounds, so I think it is time for a fill.  The low weight loss was not my only clue that it is fill time.  The fact that I can eat more like two cups of food three times a day, the fact that I don’t need to chew as well, were also indicators that it was time to see the doctor again.  

I just called and my appointment is on Monday, November 3rd at 3:00, so I was lucky to get in so soon!  

I feel happy to have my band.  I look better and feel better, not just physically, but also emotionally better about myself too.  I don’t feel like the fattest woman in the place anymore, I can go to “normal” clothing stores and buy off the rack items in size 12.  If I do find my way into the chocolate bar isle and buy a treat for myself, I can eat it without feeling like people are judging me as a person who has no self-control.  These are  all small but significant steps for me in my journey to self care from the terrible self-loathing that I have felt all of my life.  In the last couple of weeks too, I notice that men notice me.  It is scary, but not nearly so dreadful as when they stopped noticing me.  Ironically, the bigger I got, the more invisible I became.  These days, I feel visible, and that is a wonderful feeling!

So, I am still, very much in love with my band.  It is doing it’s job for me and I recommend it highly, if you think that you can live within it’s restrictions and learn to listen to it when it speaks.