I know it has been a while since I have written anything and I am starting to see that at least a few people are unhappy about this, so I think that it is time for me to check in and let you know what is going on with me and my lap band over the last few days.
I have not written because I hate to get on here and whine – face it – no one wants to listen to negativity – it is just so draining to be around! The problem is that I am still not really at the place where I need to be, regarding my adjustments so it is very difficult to say a lot about my band right now since it is not really all the way there. I am not sure that my readers want to hear all the negative stuff? Do you?
It is hard for me to write, because I am trying not to dwell on food or my lap band, but rather to get on with living my life. I have been busy since I write, spend time with family, friends, dogs, swim, bike (motor) and so forth – I am letting go of my obsession with food, in what I think is a healthy, positive way so this is all good.
But in truth there are still issues. I had my first adjustment/fill and this did help; I am still losing a little bit of weight but only 1/4 pound in the last 2 weeks which is basically nothing. Though it is better than gaining! Remember, I am not on a diet, I am just letting the band do it’s job – so there is progress since normally if I am not dieting I am gaining. Simple as that!
The hitch to the whole process of lap-banding is that the fill can be a long drawn out process! It is done every 2 weeks until it is right and can take 0-10 times which means that it can be five or six months until you are in a state of satiety. I am not there yet and feel that I still may need a few adjustments. This is because I can still eat too much food which means that the hole between my pouch and my stomach is too large; I also feel hungry too frequently so I know that I am not in the right place yet. This said, I swallowed a whole cranberry as a test the other day and it caused the spasms that all bandsters dread – about 45 minutes of it until I could get it up! Nasty! I was mad as hell at myself because it hurt and was not a bit fun – it is sick that I had to know. This said, it might not be too many adjustments for me, because a cranberry is not that large. The truth is, I am thinking about it a lot, and since I don’t know what the ideal is, it is difficult to assume any conclusions.
There have been some milestones, for example, I took my jeans in yesterday just so that they would stay up on my waist. I was feeling a bit classless since I had to be yanking them up all the time in order to keep them on. But I could not fully take them in all the way, because they would look quite strange if I did adjusted them a lot. I found that four inches kept them up without making them look all puckered and weird. It is of course an optimistic thing to do; taking in pants instead of buying new! Because it means that I fully expect to have the optimum result of weight loss and don’t wish to buy new until I am down closer to my ideal weight. So in the next weeks and months, if you see me walking down the street with puckers in my pants, baggy shirts and too long everything, know that I am not yet there and still working on my own idea of perfection. Remember, it may seem like a long wait to you, but for me, who has put her money and trust in the lap-band it can not be soon enough! I am trying not to dwell on it, or lose my patience, but it is hard right now since we all know that waiting is no fun at all!
The good news though, is that I go for my second fill tomorrow!!!!
